Self Care

Trouble finding your tribe? Build Your Own

If you are feeling lonely or like no one quite “gets you”, it may just be a matter of finding or creating a community of like-minded individuals. And who’s to say that you cannot have more than one tribe where you claim membership? Meet-up and facebook groups are great for finding people with common hobbies and interests, but so many of us are craving something deeper. Over this last year, several of my friends have expressed the desire to find a spiritual community where it is safe to speak and grow their new belief systems and their lens of viewing the world. When I say spiritual community, I am not just speaking of church communities, although that can be a starting place for some. I’m speaking of being with people on a similar path in their spiritual journey.

Here are 3 ways that I have built my tribe:

Pray about it!

This seems like it should be obvious but often times it is harder than it sounds. It requires trust and faith and some patience. Quite simply, the first step is to ask for what you want. Before you can ask, you may need some clarity on what you want. It is helpful to either create a vision of what this tribe would look and act like or to meditate on how it feels to be with this supportive community. Take time to imagine a place where you feel like you fully belong.

Photo by Monstera on

Pay Attention

Now that you know exactly what you want and have asked for it, keep your feelers out for connectors or opportunities where you may find these people. So often, the neighbor, co-worker, or person that you already know can be a connector to someone who would be a perfect fit for your tribe. Watch for invitations and events where you may meet someone. Step into each day with the attitude that you will make an important connection today.

And be brave. For example, I was just scrolling through my Facebook feed one day and then saw an interview with someone who just resonated with what I was looking for. I sent her a message through facebook and we decided to talk on the phone. After that phone call, we got coffee. After that, it quickly progressed into a friendship. She said that she would normally never respond to a stranger’s message but just felt like she needed to respond to mine. Know that God is working for your good and as you take one step forward, God will meet you there.

It might even be someone sitting on the bench next to you, reading the same book.

Photo by Serkan Gu00f6ktay on

Create a Space

Once you have met a couple of people (all it takes is 2), then reach out to them to share a meal. By gathering even a small group of like-minded individuals together, you are creating a space to share and grow. Before the meal is over, you can pretty much tell if it is a good fit or not. If it is, then each person may organically bring in more members to the community, and your tribe will grow. I have found that creating a monthly standing get-together is helpful in keeping people in touch. For example, maybe it is a monthly Sunday brunch where members take turns hosting. Or perhaps you want to schedule 1:1 coffee dates with individuals to get to know them better.

I hope these steps are helpful in building a community that meets your needs and desires. Now go out there and build your tribe!

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